Accountability: Try It, It's Fun

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I have days now and again, as we all do, where I feel a little spent after my day in public.  I won't even just say at work, because sometimes the adventure continues when you go to the grocery store or the pizza place.  I have finally concluded that the theme is often a lack of accountability.

Accountability is a funny thing, because it is a life skill that only we can control for ourselves.  It is a self-leadership tool, and a skill set that not everyone has.  And that is okay, but I think it is in all of our best interest if we are aware of it, and strive to be just a little bit better at it.

As a close cousin to negativity, a lack of accountability is something I try and avoid in my day if possible.  Today I was less successful, since it was a pretty classic Monday riddled with phone calls and e-mails from people less concerned with "owning it" or finding solutions.

I often think back to the lady who yelled incessantly at the pizza counter clerk on Valentine's Day a few months ago about the fact that she had been waiting 15 minutes for the pizza for her family and now she was going to be late.  She did this in front of four other customers and her visibly uncomfortable teenage daughter.  She had one foot on the "blame others" rung, and the other on the just plain "unaware" part of the ladder.  I told the pizza clerk that they were doing a terrific job on one of their busiest nights, and that they shouldn't let one lady bring them down.  As for her daughter, I hope she stays uncomfortable with her mother's behavior and recognizes that she doesn't have to act that way.

It is not always easy to be accountable, but I find it to be a good way to feel like I am in control of the world around me.  If I only blame others, then I certainly don't feel very in control of my own destiny.  If I own my attitude and my actions, I feel much more in control of my day.

Tuesday always promises to be less Monday-ish, so my goal tomorrow is to shake it off, be one notch more accountable than today, and hopefully lend a hand to pull up the people still stuck at "excuses" or "wait and hope."  It's good to have goals.

Self, you should be paying attention to this wise advice.

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I originally saw this picture listing a "Note to Self" a while ago, but it has been weirdly more sound advice since I am growing a person inside me.  I mean, if there are all these rules like I shouldn't eat fish with mercury or pesticides, or I should get enough sleep, or I should wear a seat belt, then I suppose there is some truth that I should treat myself well regardless if there is a little person growing inside of me.  These things seem to be advice that everyone knows, but no one does for themselves.  Honestly, when did we get so bad at taking care of ourselves?

It seems like we only remember these simple ways to take care of ourselves after we learned the life lesson somehow, like relearning a healthy relationship with food after an eating disorder, making a baby, or surviving a close call with your health.  How sad that we can't make better decisions to take great care of ourselves, right?

(Sigh) I wish it were that easy.  Don't get me wrong, I just ate a lot of Pringles chips today, so I haven't mastered the art of self care.  At the very least I hope to make plenty of right decisions throughout the day like get plenty of sleep, or drink organic tea (rishi tested without chemicals).  Next stop, the gym.

Hopefully I can remember to take of myself once I am worried about taking care of some other little peanut.  I don't want to wait until another life event serves as a reminder to avoid eating hot dogs.  Even if we all do only one of these nice things for ourselves, that is a step in the right direction.  I have the naps down, but will focus on not saying mean things to myself as my pants stop fitting.  Which one are you going to work on?  Take care, my loves - I would like us to be friends a while longer.

Sorry I have been gone, I have been busy growing a person.

Photo courtesy of Kate Kroes Photography

For those of you who read regularly, I apologize for my absence over the last few months.  I wish I could say that I was busy solving world hunger or something, but the true story is that I have been working on some new stuff.  And the secret is out... that new stuff is growing a baby.  I won't post all of the time about baby things, I promise, but I do feel I should (A) explain myself and (B) do the first trimester it's due justice.

My husband and I were lucky in that we didn't have to try or wait very long to change from a family of 2 to a family of 2.5 once we decided to do so.  I know that not everyone has an easy time, and I am forever grateful that we didn't have to walk that line.  All in all, I have been lucky along the way in that I could have been really sick or had other complications.

With that gratitude acknowledged, I have to pay my respects to all of my ladies who have come before me and endured the silent suffering that is the first trimester.  Since we weren't going to be telling anyone yet, there was the solid month and a half where I felt pretty terrible and had to not look like it.  The hubs was the best, and he was nothing but supportive about the fact that I made the couch work overtime instead of hanging out with him while staying awake.  But seriously, (and I cannot explain this to men or women who have not been pregnant) I did not know tired like this.  I once did a few "long blinks" at my desk at work, and decided it was time to go for a walk before I straight up fell asleep at my desk.

I did not fully understand or appreciate all of the changes that come in the first trimester like feeling sick or tired, and I have total respect now for all of the ladies who have managed it, frequently without others knowing.  Or course, there are people around you all of the time that are pushers trying to get you to break the news on their terms.  Some stories from my friends and me include quotes like, "Why aren't you drinking, are you pregnant?" or "You HAVE to try this barbecue, it is the best around!" or "When are you guys going to start having kids?"  The answers are (1) Yes, but I refuse to tell you before my mom, (2) No I don't have to eat that barbecue because the smell of it makes me want to hurl, and (3) What if I had been trying for 3 years and you really hurt my feelings by asking A.K.A. none of your damn business.

Seeing as I felt nauseous most of the time for weeks, I resorted to lots of snacks.  Since people didn't know the secret, I have eaten many a granola bar in the bathroom because my incessant snacking was suspect.  Those of you who know me may be aware that I always have fantastic snacks with me anyways, so now by bag of snacks are really taken to the next level.  I am lucky that we solved that mouse problem a few months back, otherwise this would not be working out.

Now that I can stay awake longer than 14 hours in the day and feeling better, I am back in action.  I am so lucky to have lots of terrific friends who are moms before me to give me quality, real advice, pass on what they know, tell me not to register for that, and take great pictures of the journey (thanks, Kate Kroes!).  I am surrounded by love.

For the time being, here are the FAQs:

1. Yes, I do look like I have been eating a lot of pizza.  No I don't need an intervention, but thank you for the concern.  There is a baby in there.  A baby that likes specifically Palermo's sausage pizza.
2. We are not finding out if it a boy or girl.  Well, eventually we will in, say, October.  Adventure parenting.
3. Yes, October 3rd to be exact.  Hopefully I don't have a real overachiever in there who comes out too early to ensure I go back to work just before Christmas instead of waiting until the end of the year.
4. I have not read "What to Expect When You're Expecting."  I have heard the alternate title of that book is "101 Ways You Are Killing Your Baby by Eating and Breathing," so I think I am good without it.
5. Cravings? Yes.  They are very specific and generally good for one meal only.  And extremely difficult to predict.

It really is okay.

Via Melodyross.com

I have always been someone with too many activities in my life.  In high school, I used to go to play practice, then swim practice, then go home and do homework in between a few hours of sleep on the living room couch.  I think I am still catching up on sleep from high school and college.  But, these were my choices, and I would make them again.

I have trained myself to have a lot of things going on at once, but I have really tried over the last year or two to simplify.  I am totally okay with the fact that I went to bed at 9:00 p.m. twice this week.  If I start to feel like I need to accomplish more in my life, I can simply sign up for a 10-k or get a hobby.

Sometimes, people might make a comment to me that I am old, boring, or married.  And I think in response, I can be happy with a calm life.  I can be happy because I have used my time wisely so far in life.  I partied at the right time, I competed in sports at the right time, and I had plenty of time to do all sorts of things before getting married a little later.  So, while I may be old, boring, and married, I can also be accomplished, complete, and comfortable in my own skin.  So I am okay with calm.

The point is, everyone can spend their time as they want.  I have some friends who had some tough lessons in their early or mid-twenties, and this made them the best versions of themselves that they are now.  I have some friends who played everything right early on, and now they are bored with what they didn't take time to do earlier  in life.  And I have friends that are still figuring out their potential.  It sure is fun to watch the people you appreciate find their awesomeness though.  In fact, I am perfectly happy to get great sleep at my ripe old age of 31, and lead a calm life while I support others.  And that's not boring at all.

Check out the 20 things we should say more often, with Kid President

 

Kid President's 20 Things We Should Say More Often

 

Kid President is my favorite.  His real name is Robby Novak, he is 10 years old and he is one of my favorite You Tube sensations.  This is one of my favorite videos, and I could not have said it better myself.  Check it out.

 

Video posted by Soul Pancake



Not having enough hours in the day is proven to be a terrible excuse.

Via Lauren Conrad

This week has been really full of activity.  Particularly in work.  And then I get a reality check, and think about a few other people who work and live in the same universe that I live in.  I mean, honestly, there are the same number of hours in my day as there are in Beyoncé's, and Oprah's, and James Franco's, and Jennifer Lawrence's, and Barack Obama's.  And they seem pretty much like they can accomplish a lot in one day/week/month/year.  I should at least have a major motion picture or Grammy-winning album with all of the hours I have available in my day.

But alas, instead of recording about who runs the world (ahem, it is girls), I am doing other things that are important to society.  I am pretty sure that Barack Obama doesn't tap dance, and that Beyoncé doesn't get to help people in their careers at work, and that James Franco rarely has time to just lie around the house.  Actually, not having the time to do nothing sounds awful.

One of my 2014 goals is to remove the word "busy" from my vocabulary, because it adds some sort of value to the word that it doesn't deserve.  I originally had this idea after I realized by watching a co-worker buzz around that I didn't want to seem too busy to help others or do my job, and it struck me that it was "busy" that needed to be eradicated and replaced with "productive."  Then, lo and behold, this article came along by Tyler Ward: Busy Isn't Respectable Anymore

Tyler's article stated everything I was feeling better than I could have ever articulated.  He is my new favorite blogger.  I can't wait to print off his articles and posts and leave them anonymously on people's desk.  But more than anything, it was important to find support out there in the world for the feeling that I had nagging me that being busy just felt foolish and wasteful.

So I think I will keep my choices on how I spend my day, and call them my own.  If I wanted to have a less full schedule, then it is in my control.  I will let Beyoncé make the good records and Barack make the tough decisions, and be comfortable in my own skin about how I spend my 24 hours.

New Year = The end of bad choices. For at least a week and a half.

Via Metapicture

Confession: December beat me at its own game. Between the holidays and moving to a new home, I did not go to the gym while simultaneously subscribing to the carbohydrate diet.  When I went to the gym for the first time in weeks a few days ago, I was reminded about what a difference four weeks makes.  I. Am. Sore.

So now I am in the midst of fighting the good fight on eating well, going to the gym, and overall being the best version of myself.  I am losing the fight on the first two, so my only hope left is finding some actually meaningful things to try and stick to.  Since I ate a doughnut today, any hopes of a low-fat, low sodium, gluten-free, low carb, clean, paleo, flavor-free, or 100% healthy diet are slowly slipping into the night.

That is okay, because instead, I think my promises to myself in 2014 might be more effective than the usual diet and exercise resolution.  Here are the New Year goals I have set for myself:

1. Remove the word "busy": I am making an effort to remove the word busy from my vocabulary and glorifying it as if it was an accomplishment.  This is particularly difficult when I have co-workers who value busy.  Just the same, I make my decisions on my schedule, so I will not add to the glorification of "busy" with my own comments.
2. Buy less things unless I need them: I will still buy things from time to time that are not essentials, but I will think long and hard about whether it will really bring me that much satisfaction.  For example, I have stopped buying sweaters that are cute from an inexpensive retailer, only to be disappointed when they shrink in the wash anyways.  I will buy a better sweater instead of two crappy ones.
3. Meet new people: I made a few really great new friends in 2013.  I think that is a worthy goal to continue.  Whether it is connecting back with people I once knew, networking professionally, or meeting more friends of friends, this is a worthy investment.  Warning, I am becoming more socially awkward with age, so please expect that when you introduce me to your friends.

And if I stop eating baked goods, that is fine too.  But I find that to be unlikely since I live closer than ever to my favorite local bakery. And I work for a food company.  And I love baked goods.  Yeah.

And if you stay positive, you have a shot... -Silver Linings Playbook

Via empowernetwork.com

Tiffany and Pat had it right.  Of all of the lovable, messed up characters in the world, these two had it figured out.

There are a lot of different things that can go wrong in a day, a week, a lifetime.  As the famous quote by Charles R. Swindoll goes, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."  This of course, is always more difficult than it sounds.

I think I learned to stay positive through a few different key teachers on my life.  First, my parents were and are always positive and adaptable people, and I grew up thinking that was the only way to do it.  Later in high school and college I had a lot of opportunities to travel abroad, and during those times in different cultures I learned a lot about broadening my view of the world (and therefore my problems seemed a little smaller).  I also learned a lot about myself and grew a an even higher sense of self-reliance.  As an adult, I have had a few select people in my career that served as the exact type of mentor I needed at a specific time to help me see the value of perseverance and staying positive.  Someone really important once told me that he didn't think that I was dreaming big enough.  Noted.

I have always worked very hard at everything that I do.  I am hard wired that way, but really it is a life coping mechanism.  If I work hard and I do my best, then I know I have done all that I can.  If I stay positive, it is a sense of controlling what I can control by choosing my attitude.  If I didn't do these things, and it didn't work out in my favor, I would always wonder if I could have changed the trajectory.

This methodology has always worked for me, and I refuse to accept defeat.  I own the 90%, and I will not let it own me.  When things get tough, take control of your 90%.

Do the best you can, and there is no need to worry.

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As I became an adult, this has been one of my very firm mottos in life.  Control what you can control, do your best, and you shouldn't have to worry about the outcome so much.  I have always lived my life by trying at everything.  I worked hard in high school  (unfortunately to realize later that high school didn't much matter).  I did the right thing, even when no one was looking.

As a case study, I once knew a person who I thought, at first, had really unfortunate luck.  This person struggled to find or keep a job, never really gaining any traction in life.  I finally realized that this wasn't unfortunate luck, but a string on less than perfect decisions, a cause-and-effect of not taking the tough road or doing their very best.  I decided to never again mix up the difference between luck and probability.

I now find that the best way to feel a sense of control during stressful situations is to not worry.  And I know that I gave it everything so I can walk away having done all I can, so why worry about things beyond my control?  My cool, calm demeanor and not letting worried thoughts take over is the one thing that can't be taken away from me - it is the one way I prove to myself that I control the situation.

Pair this with a penchant for fixing things quickly, and you will be unstoppable.  Problem comes up? Solve it and don't touch it again.  Then you can go back to enjoying that ice cream sundae you earned.

Positivity Part II: Ending the negative self-talk

Via Queenofyourownlife.com

Since we have already discussed the virtues of being able to accept a compliment gracefully, the other half of the battle is being able to be nice enough to yourself.

I am fortunate to have grown up in a very stable and supportive household, where I was pulled up rather than put down.  I had a big sister that I was always striving to be like, so it helps to have goals.  Even with my parents divorced I had enough self-confidence to never think to myself that it was my fault.  And as I grew older, I just fell into being a pretty independent and confident young lady.  Oh, and being in musical theater helped.  What a fascinating, showy, confident, and supportive bunch of people.  I highly recommend this as a path for your kids and my imaginary ones.

I am not big on negative self-talk, but I still participate as what I consider a "realist."  I consider that I am basically reporting the obvious truth about myself, but that doesn't make it any better.  In fact, it might just be even worse when I say out loud an obvious "truth," like I have chubby legs, and the person I am talking to kind of smirks and says nothing; a sad and silent admission that they probably agree.  And that's not their fault, it is mine for bringing it up or not being comfortable with myself in the first place.

Even this can be dangerous.  My friend Kathryn reminded me about how important it is now as a parent to remain positive about ourselves in front of our kids.  What was once a mostly playful and harm-free comment about chubby legs becomes a much more impactful statement when your young daughter starts picking up on everything that you do.

So let's talk about some practical application ideas:

1. Surround yourself with positive people:  It is easy to do negative self-talk when it is frequently used or accepted by others around you.  Not to mention, it is exhausting to have to constantly reassure someone of their value by saying, "Oh don't be silly, of course you are a good mom even if you forgot [fill in the blank]" ten times a day.
2. Have someone hold you accountable:  I correct my better half on negative self-talk, and now he does the same for me.  That's fair.
3. Balance it out: When you catch yourself having just spouted off some negative verbal clutter, own it and balance it out with a self-apology and a genuine and positive counterpart.

So let's clean it up, for all of the other girls and boys and even ladies and men that are quietly listening to our every word.  We might just pull off a next generation of more genuine and positive kiddos who are comfortable in their own skin.

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Positivity Part I: The art of taking a compliment

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All confident, adult women (and men) should know the art of taking a compliment.  While this seems like a skill most people might gain over time pretty handily, it seems to be less common than it should be these days.  This may be for any number of reasons, such as someone in our life always telling us what is wrong with us rather than what is right.  Or, maybe we have learned to just not believe it when someone tells us something nice.  Either way, knock it off.

There are a few ways that you can derail yourself from gracefully accepting a compliment:

1. Talking too much:  You do not need to discount the compliment with additional details.  When someone says, "I like your purse," say thank you and smile, rather than saying, "Oh, well, it's just a knockoff, something that I got cheap from [fill in the blank]."
2. Talking too little: Smile and acknowledge, versus looking at them like a deer in headlights.  Are you talking to me?
3. Returning a fake compliment: No need to compliment back unless you have a genuine compliment to share.  Think Mean Girls, and you don't want to come off as insincere.

The first thing you should do is a self-check to think back to the last compliment(s) delivered to you, and consider whether you have made any of these tactical errors.  If you have, that is okay.  It is never too late to change your response to your next compliment.  One thing you will find is that the more compliments you shut down, the less you get, and the more you accept gracefully, the more people will continue to compliment.

The root cause here is confidence, so let's address that.  I don't expect anyone to gain 100% of new found confidence over night, but I do expect us to have a self-awareness and confidence that we are doing some things right.  Confidence shows in everything that we do; in the way we carry ourselves in our clothes, in how convincing we are at work, and in how we attract friends.  I find the best way to gain confidence is to surround myself with positive, confident people.  If people are comfortable in their own skin, they are more likely to compliment you and radiate into your own confidence.

Next up? Ending the negative self-talk.

Choose action over inaction.

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I find it fascinating when I see things that we complain about or are worried about that are well within our control.  Of course, this is easy to see when we are new to looking at it.  Since I recently started a new job, it is a great opportunity for me to see what can be impacted by just being part of the solution.  I spend each day hoping that I don't lose the vision to see how I can make an impact.  If I lose that, I will no longer be able to push for change.

The key here is to put ourselves in situations that allow us to feel fresh, and like we have a fresh perspective to see the change that needs to be made, and then do it.  And then, do it.

If you feel like you are getting too used to the scenery, get a fresh perspective.  Find a new way to look at things.  Here is an interesting thing to consider; look at the definition of the word attitude:

at·ti·tude (noun)

1. a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior

 

A "settled way"... I am going to do my very best to fight the urge to be "settled" in a way of thinking or feeling, because that is the only way that I can continue to look at things with a fresh set of eyes.  And this will help me get shit done.  Choose action over inaction.  Decide on passion over complacency.  Place importance on what you do, and do it!

The Most Interesting Woman Award

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Meet the most interesting woman.  This is Iris Apfel, and she is my hero.  I first came across a picture of her by chance, and I thought, whoever that crazy old bat is, I love her.  When I found a second picture of her, I determined that she wasn't just a random lady and I needed to learn more.

Iris Apfel was born in Queens, New York, and studied art at NYU and the University of Wisconsin (woot!) before spending a life long career in interior design, fashion, and living life as a style icon.  There are three things that I like most about Ms. Apfel which lend to a good life lesson:

1. Her best accessory is confidence.  She clearly appears confident and comfortable in her own skin, and it is so very refreshing.  Every photo of her shows joy and personality that is all her own.
2. Style trumps fashion.  Fashion is based on labels and lines of clothing that designers make up.  Style is something personal and an expression of personality and originality.  Ms. Apfel has more style than the City of New York.
3. Bold is better.  Bright colors, mixed prints, five stacked bracelets and a monkey statue in your apartment is clearly the way to go.

I hope that as I age, I can fall into even half of her personal style, because it says so much about her.  She clearly is a lady with worldly experiences and fabulous stories to tell.  I can't wait to be a brightly colored, mixed prints biddy wearing my body weight in jewelry and living surrounded by a stylish collection of conversation pieces.  It's good to have goals.

Read more:
Iris Apfel's Apartment Proves That More is Really More
Iris Apfel - Wikipedia

Um, that wasn't very nice.

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It happened today.  A woman standing literally right next to me said to her friend that I must not have to respond to her e-mail because I am in HR.  She actually insulted me in front of a handful of other people, and in front of me.  I think she almost died when I actually said something back.

I usually respond to people with 99% strange calmness, but there is occasionally the 1% of passive aggressive tone that comes out but can only be seen by the trained eye.  I was nothing but calm and kind to the lady drinking the Hater-ade, but my usual repertoire of exclamations and smiley faces in my eventual e-mail in this case was more like secret code for "shove it" as a slightly cathartic solution.

I can think of plenty of times that I have been yelled at, talked about, insulted, bullied, or poked.  No problem, I can take it with the best of them.  I had a man yell at me for ten minutes straight at a store because we didn't have any more gloves in stock for his kids at the end of the winter season.  I really wanted to just offer to knit some for him, but I refrained and showed tact.

I know that staying cool and collected is not everyone's forte, but if you can do it, it is really fun and effective, don't you think?  I sort of feel like I beat the game when I stay cool, and when other people stay cool with me, they are much likelier to get what they wanted.  No one ever got what they came for when they yelled at me, and I hope they felt just a little bit ashamed inside too.

Hopefully I can keep my cool and stay nice.  If not, then I will channel my very best Julia Roberts from "Pretty Woman" in the spirit of, ""Big mistake. Big, huge.  I have to go shopping now."

Try not to compare yourself to people on the internet.

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That is the funny thing about Facebook, and the internet, and magazines, and television; you only see the cover page.  Admit it, we have all done it.  We have trolled through Facebook pages of old classmates, exes' new partners, people we work with, and looked all over the media to follow celebrities.  Honestly, this is the only explanation for the fact that the Kardashians are famous.  Comparison and awe of others.

The problem with media sources is that they only show you the best pictures (um, usually), the best angle, how you have a lot of friends, and how you are successful in your job.  Celebrities and models have makeup artists, stylists, airbrushing, and they haven't eaten carbohydrates since 1999.  It is not a fair comparison.  And we can all agree that comparing apples and oranges doesn't usually add up, right?

I have always believed that the universe evens out the score across people.  For example, a beautiful person might be a really terrible dancer, or a very intelligent person might not have any social skills.  Some of those things we can see and some things we cannot see.

So if this theory is true, it would be wildly unfair for you to compare yourself to just the pictures and accomplishments, right?  Don't worry yourself with someone who lost weight and got hot, who finished more schooling, or who is having kids when you are not.  If we focus on being the best version of ourselves and not the best version of somebody else, we will certainly feel more successful.  Plus, that person that you are comparing yourself to based on their career growth might have a whole other element to their life that you don't see, and more importantly, don't want.

The bottom line is that we cannot control what others do, but we can control what we do.  Instead of comparison to others, make your litmus test based on yourself, your goals, and your life choices.  If you fall short, you control the equation.  And I am sure you would be amazed at what other people compare about themselves to your success.  Stop beating yourself up because your ass is bigger than that other girl's, because she might have ugly feet and not be able to wear sandals...ever.  Once we can stop comparison to others, we have more space for gratitude for the things that we do have in our lives.

Perspective.

I have a confession to make... I am an introvert, and I'm not afraid to not show it.

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It's true.  I am an introvert.  I am one of those who have a whole different half below the surface.  You might not have known this about me, especially at work.  I have always been in a position that requires me to be "on stage" at work, and so my theater skills have done me well there.

But all of that time spent with people at work, or talking and interacting, means that I need to balance it with quiet time, introspective time, and alone time.  I promise, I am not a recluse. I just need to recharge.

I like to think of being an introvert as just saving some of my best features for those who know me well enough to appreciate them.  Other strangers might just wrongly assume that I am dull, shy or anti-social.

In some cases where I have been around highly chatty extroverts, I have found it quite draining and stopped any effort to contribute to the conversation.  I feel guilty that they are not seeing a true representation of me as a person, but then I think, if they slowed down to truly hear what I would say I would consider actually saying it.  Please don't hold it against me.

If you are an introvert, or you would like to better understand someone who is, read this:
What Is It Really Like To Be An Introvert?

This article is so spot-on, I am sad I didn't think of it first.  Enjoy your new found understanding of the "loners."

Just because we don't talk much doesn't mean we are less of friends.

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Those really are the greatest friends, aren't they?  The ones that you might not even talk to all that often, but it doesn't make you any less of friends.  They are those friends that you pick right back up with even though you haven't spoken to them for months, years even.

I remember in high school when girls would get mad at each other because all of the sudden they had a boyfriend and they didn't hang out as much any more.  I never understood that, because isn't that how life goes?  The girl who was mad that their friend for ditching them for a boy might be the same girl who got married and fell off the face of the earth because she was trying to figure out what to do with her new baby.

The key is, that just because we are all busy, it doesn't stop me from loving you as a friend, missing you as a partner in crime, or respecting you as a person.  I have such an appreciation for my friends that don't dock me friendship points due to the fact that I am bad at keeping in touch, live in a different city, or worked strange hours.  You are still in my head and my heart.  I think of one friend in particular who I know that we never lose ground as friends, even if it has been six month since we have contacted each other.  I have so much thanks to give for that. (Thanks, Lindsey, you warm my heart.)

To keep with the spirit of friendship, I encourage you to reach out to two old friends that you haven't contacted for far too long.  Facebook and social media makes this easy, so no excuses.  I am sure you will enjoy it, and it will be a pleasant surprise to the recipient.  Thanks for understanding that I am a rotten pen pal.

Finding your spot.

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I have never been to Portland, Oregon, but I am certain I love it there.  I imagine that I love the trees, the strange people, and the Pacific Northwest.  I also am quite sure that Zooey Deschanel and I would be friends if we knew each other.  Maybe in a previous life, Zooey and I grew up down the street from each other in a funky Portland neighborhood.

To test my theory on how well I know myself, the hubs and I took the quiz on findyourspot.com.  It is a fun quiz that asks questions about what you like in a city (e.g., size, weather, transportation) and gives you a list of places that match your living style.  Here is a partial list of our cities:

• New Haven, CT
• Baltimore, MD
• Portland, OR
• Hartford, CT
• Frederick, MD
• Salem, OR
• Milwaukee, WI (Holla!)
• Charleston, WV
• Santa Fe, NM

How exciting!  Many of these are cities I have felt, without ever visiting, that they would be great.  This list told me a few different things.  First, I know that I know myself well.  My hunch on cities turned out to be true when proven by another source.  Second, I have some traveling to do to see the cities I am sure to love that I haven't met yet.  And third, I love where I live.  Milwaukee is a great city (totally underrated) and I am happy to be right where I am.  I have found my spot...for now.

And I am still going to pretend that Zooey and I are besties, and that the flat mates on New Girl are my friends too.

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Say what you need to say, but from a good place.

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I have been feeling a little bit frustrated this week about the lack of people around me being able to share basic information with each other in the form of feedback.  I have yet to be able to understand if it is a "chicken" or an "egg" problem, meaning if people aren't comfortable giving feedback or if the problem is people aren't comfortable hearing a bit of constructive feedback.  Either way, shenanigans.

I have learned over time though education, sports, or work that it is important to provide open and honest information to others.  It is often a bit difficult to share or hear it, but saying what you mean is in fact the only way to get your point across.  Or course, you don't have to be mean while doing it.

And for that matter, you don't have to assume someone is being mean when they tell you something constructive.  Let's try this...the next time that you balk at saying what you mean, try to be straight about it.  The next time someone is straight with you, graciously say thank you.  Where would that get us as a society?  Would we be better off, or would the world implode with honesty and conflict?  I would be willing to take the chance, as long as we say it nicely.

Fall in Wisconsin can teach us a hell of a lesson

Forget summer with all of the bugs and the sunburn.  The best part about Wisconsin is the fall.  And yes, the winters are often pretty unfortunate, but there would be no fall if the world wasn't preparing for winter so that makes it worth it.

There are so many great things about fall (ref: post about caramel apples), but as we were walking outside today for an unseasonably warm and perfect fall day, it occurred to me why I like the colorful trees so much.  The obvious reason why everyone likes the fall colors is it is beautiful to watch the green trees turn into an array of bright colors.  The even better part of that story, is that those are the trees' true colors.

The real story, is that the trees are stuck being green all of the time but during fall, their authentic true colors come out.  And we all love to see their real and unique color patterns.  What a nice lesson for our own loves taught in nature.  It is a poetic reminder about how much better we can be when we settle into our own true selves, being authentic and comfortable with our colors.

Until next year, when the trees all turn into conformist assholes wearing green next spring.  I'm just kidding - without the summer of green, the colors of fall would lose their allure.  Without dark, we wouldn't appreciate the light.

How leaves show their true colors - a science lesson