New Year = The end of bad choices. For at least a week and a half.

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Confession: December beat me at its own game. Between the holidays and moving to a new home, I did not go to the gym while simultaneously subscribing to the carbohydrate diet.  When I went to the gym for the first time in weeks a few days ago, I was reminded about what a difference four weeks makes.  I. Am. Sore.

So now I am in the midst of fighting the good fight on eating well, going to the gym, and overall being the best version of myself.  I am losing the fight on the first two, so my only hope left is finding some actually meaningful things to try and stick to.  Since I ate a doughnut today, any hopes of a low-fat, low sodium, gluten-free, low carb, clean, paleo, flavor-free, or 100% healthy diet are slowly slipping into the night.

That is okay, because instead, I think my promises to myself in 2014 might be more effective than the usual diet and exercise resolution.  Here are the New Year goals I have set for myself:

1. Remove the word "busy": I am making an effort to remove the word busy from my vocabulary and glorifying it as if it was an accomplishment.  This is particularly difficult when I have co-workers who value busy.  Just the same, I make my decisions on my schedule, so I will not add to the glorification of "busy" with my own comments.
2. Buy less things unless I need them: I will still buy things from time to time that are not essentials, but I will think long and hard about whether it will really bring me that much satisfaction.  For example, I have stopped buying sweaters that are cute from an inexpensive retailer, only to be disappointed when they shrink in the wash anyways.  I will buy a better sweater instead of two crappy ones.
3. Meet new people: I made a few really great new friends in 2013.  I think that is a worthy goal to continue.  Whether it is connecting back with people I once knew, networking professionally, or meeting more friends of friends, this is a worthy investment.  Warning, I am becoming more socially awkward with age, so please expect that when you introduce me to your friends.

And if I stop eating baked goods, that is fine too.  But I find that to be unlikely since I live closer than ever to my favorite local bakery. And I work for a food company.  And I love baked goods.  Yeah.

The perils of working out (A.K.A. farting during yoga)

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I am all for working out.  I have a membership to a very nice gym, and each time I work out I feel better for having done so.  The benefits are undeniable.

The first motivation I have to work out is so I can eat delicious food.  I don't eat terrible food all of the time, I eat mostly healthy food to counteract the two doughnuts I ate earlier.  The second motivation I have is of course, trying to be fit.

But let's talk about some of the less-glamorous problems with working out.  Exercise is a dangerous activity full of land mines for the average girl.

Running:
I love running outside in the fresh air!  Big boobs put a damper on that plan though, unless I am strapped in like a ride at Six Flags.  Do not mess around with only one bra, big-chested ladies, that shit is dangerous.

Yoga:
Yoga is a lovely activity that relaxes and calms the mind.  Hot yoga is even better if you are willing to really sweat.  So lovely that it is the best way to pay someone good money to take a nap.  And then, just when you slip away into a light sleep, you fart.  And now you are that person.  This is also possible during a well-timed downward dog, so I recommend scoping out a classmate that looks like the most likely farter, set up camp next to them, and look in their direction if one slips out.

Interval Training:
If you haven't done it in a while you might be at risk of puking.  Or, is that just me?  No, I'll bet it is not.  I once drank a beer at happy hour prior to my interval class, and I thought it might be the end of me.  I also had to lie on the floor for a while during my first ever P90X video to prevent an incident.  If this isn't motivation to go more than once a month, I don't know what is.

Zumba:
Even Zumba can be scary when you forget to reapply deodorant and you are concerned to do any above-the-head arm waves.  On an unrelated note, there are a lot of older men (as in, 55 and older) in Zumba classes.  I like that, because they are always the best at shakin' their groove thang.

Workout Machines:
Weight lifting?  I am the girl who looks at the machines, convinced that you need an advanced engineering degree to adjust all of the pins.  Treadmills?  Be careful not to run and fall off the back during a particularly fascinating TMZ TV segment.  Stair machines?  Ok, if you are draping half of your body over the side for stability, you're doing it wrong.

Be careful out there, ladies, it's a jungle.  But a necessary part of the day to let go of those crabby work feelings, work off that half-box of chocolate Lucky Charms, or just simply prepare yourself for re-entry into your home.  And pick something other than yoga if you have a lot of air flowing.