It really is okay.

Via Melodyross.com

I have always been someone with too many activities in my life.  In high school, I used to go to play practice, then swim practice, then go home and do homework in between a few hours of sleep on the living room couch.  I think I am still catching up on sleep from high school and college.  But, these were my choices, and I would make them again.

I have trained myself to have a lot of things going on at once, but I have really tried over the last year or two to simplify.  I am totally okay with the fact that I went to bed at 9:00 p.m. twice this week.  If I start to feel like I need to accomplish more in my life, I can simply sign up for a 10-k or get a hobby.

Sometimes, people might make a comment to me that I am old, boring, or married.  And I think in response, I can be happy with a calm life.  I can be happy because I have used my time wisely so far in life.  I partied at the right time, I competed in sports at the right time, and I had plenty of time to do all sorts of things before getting married a little later.  So, while I may be old, boring, and married, I can also be accomplished, complete, and comfortable in my own skin.  So I am okay with calm.

The point is, everyone can spend their time as they want.  I have some friends who had some tough lessons in their early or mid-twenties, and this made them the best versions of themselves that they are now.  I have some friends who played everything right early on, and now they are bored with what they didn't take time to do earlier  in life.  And I have friends that are still figuring out their potential.  It sure is fun to watch the people you appreciate find their awesomeness though.  In fact, I am perfectly happy to get great sleep at my ripe old age of 31, and lead a calm life while I support others.  And that's not boring at all.

New Year = The end of bad choices. For at least a week and a half.

Via Metapicture

Confession: December beat me at its own game. Between the holidays and moving to a new home, I did not go to the gym while simultaneously subscribing to the carbohydrate diet.  When I went to the gym for the first time in weeks a few days ago, I was reminded about what a difference four weeks makes.  I. Am. Sore.

So now I am in the midst of fighting the good fight on eating well, going to the gym, and overall being the best version of myself.  I am losing the fight on the first two, so my only hope left is finding some actually meaningful things to try and stick to.  Since I ate a doughnut today, any hopes of a low-fat, low sodium, gluten-free, low carb, clean, paleo, flavor-free, or 100% healthy diet are slowly slipping into the night.

That is okay, because instead, I think my promises to myself in 2014 might be more effective than the usual diet and exercise resolution.  Here are the New Year goals I have set for myself:

1. Remove the word "busy": I am making an effort to remove the word busy from my vocabulary and glorifying it as if it was an accomplishment.  This is particularly difficult when I have co-workers who value busy.  Just the same, I make my decisions on my schedule, so I will not add to the glorification of "busy" with my own comments.
2. Buy less things unless I need them: I will still buy things from time to time that are not essentials, but I will think long and hard about whether it will really bring me that much satisfaction.  For example, I have stopped buying sweaters that are cute from an inexpensive retailer, only to be disappointed when they shrink in the wash anyways.  I will buy a better sweater instead of two crappy ones.
3. Meet new people: I made a few really great new friends in 2013.  I think that is a worthy goal to continue.  Whether it is connecting back with people I once knew, networking professionally, or meeting more friends of friends, this is a worthy investment.  Warning, I am becoming more socially awkward with age, so please expect that when you introduce me to your friends.

And if I stop eating baked goods, that is fine too.  But I find that to be unlikely since I live closer than ever to my favorite local bakery. And I work for a food company.  And I love baked goods.  Yeah.

The "How-To" Guide to receiving, returning, and repurposing gifts gracefully

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So, I imagine that since it is the start of the new year, you have partied 2013 out of the way and finished all of your Christmasing (finally).  Depending on your family dynamic, I am willing to bet that either you have received a gift that isn't quite your thing or perhaps someone in your family didn't do a very good job convincing you that they appreciated your gift.  It's ok, not everyone is as savvy at it as you might be.  In case you aren't, or in case you want your weird uncle or a perpetually unhappy in-law to read my blog, here are some tips in dealing with gifts that you don't love.

If you received a gift that isn't what you would like:

1. Is it seasonal?  If you received some god awful Christmas décor as a gift, smile and give a sincere thank you.  You only have to look at it for 2-6 weeks, or save it to put out when the gift giver comes to visit only.
2. Is it the wrong size, or something exchangeable?  You may be able to tactfully mention that you really enjoy the gift and the thought, but would like to get a different size since you lost all that weight recently (wink, wink).  You could even follow-up after you exchange it with a photo to show how much you were enjoying the updated gift.
3. Is it something you just don't like or won't use?  There are a lot of retailers that allow you to return for a short period of time following Christmas for a gift card or credit.  When you open it, say, "This is great, thank you!  Where did you get it?  It is so unique."  Then try and do a stealth return to the retailer for credit, and buy yourself something else or use the credit to buy a gift for someone else that would like it better.
4. Is it totally hideous and hand made and can't be returned?  I am willing to bet that you run in another circle of friends or co-workers that could benefit from your gift in the white elephant gift exchange (*See regifting section below so that you don't screw this one up).

If you gave a gift that clearly wasn't appreciated or well received:

1. Pay attention throughout the year for what the person may appreciate.  Personally, I am not into cats, but if I know someone really likes cats, that feline throw pillow might be right up their alley even if you think its ugly.  Or, see what magazines and catalogs are in their house.  Or, see where they tend to shop.  Pinterest boards are invaluable for gift ideas.
2. Ask for suggestions upfront.  Ask the person for some ideas, or ask their significant other for ideas for that person.
3. Give gifts that aren't returnable things.  If the person is a pet lover, donate money in their name to ASPCA, or the Humane Society.  If the person likes unique stuff, feed a child in Africa or name a star for that person.  Or, consider a subscription gift, such as a magazine or a wine of the month club.
4. Get help from another person.  For example, I give ideas, but the hubs does a nice job deciding what the gifts will be for his parents.  That way I didn't put my heart and soul into the gift (I take Christmas gifting VERY seriously, like a sport) and feel disappointed if it wasn't perfect.

If you are considering regifting something you received:

1. Do. Not. Regift. in the same social circle.  Put a note on the item before you put it in your pile of "possible gifts" in the closet.  Ensure the note states who gave it to you, when they gave it to you, and who else was there to witness it.  If you regift, make sure it is to someone who could never possibly cross paths with any of those people.
2. Think twice about whether or not you need to regift.  Are you sure you can't repurpose the gift into something else?  Is it something worth donating?  Will the gift giver ever ask about it in the future?
3. Regift only if you think that the new recipient would have a genuine interest.  For example, you received two copies of the latest Pixar movie, but instead of returning one you give one to a friend that said they liked the movie.  Or, maybe you aren't really a floral scarf sort of person, but your mom totally is.  If you follow rule #1, I think that your regifting is in acceptable form.

Sometimes, you just can't win on the gift-giving (or receiving) front, and just know, it's not personal.  If you are like me and you put a lot of love into gift giving, hopefully some of these tips will help you keep your sanity.

And if you are a guy reading this, I have one gift giving tip for you.  Yes, you do have to wrap it.  That is part of the allure, do not give gifts in a Piggly Wiggly bag.

Giving gifts is even more fun than getting them.

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I love giving gifts!  Love, love, love it.  I made some fun DIY hot cocoa gifts to give to a few people I thought I should have to give little treats to, and my strategy was all wrong.

In a game time decision, I decided to give them to the people who might least expect it.  The nice man at the parking ramp booth that always (ALWAYS) takes the time to wave, smile, and mouth the words "have a good night" seemed surprised when I handed him a hot chocolate kit.  He is one of the highlights of each day, so he deserves it.

I don't care if I can't find a pan for baking, I will find a way to make cookies for the nice security people at the front desk at work that say hello and know my name, even amongst the 600 or more people that work in my building.  They rock.

I overheard a story from a lady that works for Fed Ex who has frequently left her personal cell phone number to customers who were supposed to receive and sign for a package but weren't home and she knew they really needed the package.  Because these were people she knew from her regular route, she would swing back and deliver the package after hours.  I mean honestly, who does that any more?  The lady she was telling this story to asks if any of the customers had ever commended her for going above and beyond, or really went out of their way to thank her.  She stated in an upbeat manner, "Well, not yet."

I can't wait to give out my remaining six hot chocolate gifts to some unsuspecting recipients.  This is way more fun than sticking to the expected...

And if you stay positive, you have a shot... -Silver Linings Playbook

Via empowernetwork.com

Tiffany and Pat had it right.  Of all of the lovable, messed up characters in the world, these two had it figured out.

There are a lot of different things that can go wrong in a day, a week, a lifetime.  As the famous quote by Charles R. Swindoll goes, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."  This of course, is always more difficult than it sounds.

I think I learned to stay positive through a few different key teachers on my life.  First, my parents were and are always positive and adaptable people, and I grew up thinking that was the only way to do it.  Later in high school and college I had a lot of opportunities to travel abroad, and during those times in different cultures I learned a lot about broadening my view of the world (and therefore my problems seemed a little smaller).  I also learned a lot about myself and grew a an even higher sense of self-reliance.  As an adult, I have had a few select people in my career that served as the exact type of mentor I needed at a specific time to help me see the value of perseverance and staying positive.  Someone really important once told me that he didn't think that I was dreaming big enough.  Noted.

I have always worked very hard at everything that I do.  I am hard wired that way, but really it is a life coping mechanism.  If I work hard and I do my best, then I know I have done all that I can.  If I stay positive, it is a sense of controlling what I can control by choosing my attitude.  If I didn't do these things, and it didn't work out in my favor, I would always wonder if I could have changed the trajectory.

This methodology has always worked for me, and I refuse to accept defeat.  I own the 90%, and I will not let it own me.  When things get tough, take control of your 90%.

Eat pasta, and all of the cares of the world go away.

Via the-girl-who-chased-the-moon.tumblr.com

So, we are T minus 4 days to moving, and it has been a bit of a bumpy ride.  In an effort to soothe our moving woes and to continue our crusade to eat down the pantry, we continue to make dinners from only things available in our fridge, freezer, and pantry.  You know, like an episode of "Chopped," but without fancy meat, and a distinctly Midwestern set of ingredients (think, "hot dish" and usually with cheese).  Today we thought pasta would do the trick; a huge pile of carbohydrates on a cold winter day.

As usual, we have complete inability to appropriately measure how much pasta should be made for two people, and our attempt at "one pot" cooking also proved to be a bad idea.  If the delicious crack noodles work as they should, we should be blissfully carbed up straight on through moving day.  Success!

Do the best you can, and there is no need to worry.

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As I became an adult, this has been one of my very firm mottos in life.  Control what you can control, do your best, and you shouldn't have to worry about the outcome so much.  I have always lived my life by trying at everything.  I worked hard in high school  (unfortunately to realize later that high school didn't much matter).  I did the right thing, even when no one was looking.

As a case study, I once knew a person who I thought, at first, had really unfortunate luck.  This person struggled to find or keep a job, never really gaining any traction in life.  I finally realized that this wasn't unfortunate luck, but a string on less than perfect decisions, a cause-and-effect of not taking the tough road or doing their very best.  I decided to never again mix up the difference between luck and probability.

I now find that the best way to feel a sense of control during stressful situations is to not worry.  And I know that I gave it everything so I can walk away having done all I can, so why worry about things beyond my control?  My cool, calm demeanor and not letting worried thoughts take over is the one thing that can't be taken away from me - it is the one way I prove to myself that I control the situation.

Pair this with a penchant for fixing things quickly, and you will be unstoppable.  Problem comes up? Solve it and don't touch it again.  Then you can go back to enjoying that ice cream sundae you earned.

Positivity Part II: Ending the negative self-talk

Via Queenofyourownlife.com

Since we have already discussed the virtues of being able to accept a compliment gracefully, the other half of the battle is being able to be nice enough to yourself.

I am fortunate to have grown up in a very stable and supportive household, where I was pulled up rather than put down.  I had a big sister that I was always striving to be like, so it helps to have goals.  Even with my parents divorced I had enough self-confidence to never think to myself that it was my fault.  And as I grew older, I just fell into being a pretty independent and confident young lady.  Oh, and being in musical theater helped.  What a fascinating, showy, confident, and supportive bunch of people.  I highly recommend this as a path for your kids and my imaginary ones.

I am not big on negative self-talk, but I still participate as what I consider a "realist."  I consider that I am basically reporting the obvious truth about myself, but that doesn't make it any better.  In fact, it might just be even worse when I say out loud an obvious "truth," like I have chubby legs, and the person I am talking to kind of smirks and says nothing; a sad and silent admission that they probably agree.  And that's not their fault, it is mine for bringing it up or not being comfortable with myself in the first place.

Even this can be dangerous.  My friend Kathryn reminded me about how important it is now as a parent to remain positive about ourselves in front of our kids.  What was once a mostly playful and harm-free comment about chubby legs becomes a much more impactful statement when your young daughter starts picking up on everything that you do.

So let's talk about some practical application ideas:

1. Surround yourself with positive people:  It is easy to do negative self-talk when it is frequently used or accepted by others around you.  Not to mention, it is exhausting to have to constantly reassure someone of their value by saying, "Oh don't be silly, of course you are a good mom even if you forgot [fill in the blank]" ten times a day.
2. Have someone hold you accountable:  I correct my better half on negative self-talk, and now he does the same for me.  That's fair.
3. Balance it out: When you catch yourself having just spouted off some negative verbal clutter, own it and balance it out with a self-apology and a genuine and positive counterpart.

So let's clean it up, for all of the other girls and boys and even ladies and men that are quietly listening to our every word.  We might just pull off a next generation of more genuine and positive kiddos who are comfortable in their own skin.

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Positivity Part I: The art of taking a compliment

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All confident, adult women (and men) should know the art of taking a compliment.  While this seems like a skill most people might gain over time pretty handily, it seems to be less common than it should be these days.  This may be for any number of reasons, such as someone in our life always telling us what is wrong with us rather than what is right.  Or, maybe we have learned to just not believe it when someone tells us something nice.  Either way, knock it off.

There are a few ways that you can derail yourself from gracefully accepting a compliment:

1. Talking too much:  You do not need to discount the compliment with additional details.  When someone says, "I like your purse," say thank you and smile, rather than saying, "Oh, well, it's just a knockoff, something that I got cheap from [fill in the blank]."
2. Talking too little: Smile and acknowledge, versus looking at them like a deer in headlights.  Are you talking to me?
3. Returning a fake compliment: No need to compliment back unless you have a genuine compliment to share.  Think Mean Girls, and you don't want to come off as insincere.

The first thing you should do is a self-check to think back to the last compliment(s) delivered to you, and consider whether you have made any of these tactical errors.  If you have, that is okay.  It is never too late to change your response to your next compliment.  One thing you will find is that the more compliments you shut down, the less you get, and the more you accept gracefully, the more people will continue to compliment.

The root cause here is confidence, so let's address that.  I don't expect anyone to gain 100% of new found confidence over night, but I do expect us to have a self-awareness and confidence that we are doing some things right.  Confidence shows in everything that we do; in the way we carry ourselves in our clothes, in how convincing we are at work, and in how we attract friends.  I find the best way to gain confidence is to surround myself with positive, confident people.  If people are comfortable in their own skin, they are more likely to compliment you and radiate into your own confidence.

Next up? Ending the negative self-talk.

True confessions of the retail world, and please, don't be that guy.

I have a feeling that y'all have already started your holiday shopping, so this is my public service announcement for you.  As a veteran of the retail store battle ground, I am here to share some knowledge for you.  This is not knowledge about where to get a good deal, or how to get what you want this holiday season; there are a million other sources for that.  This is a snapshot from the other side - the retail workers.

While you are out shopping for Christmas gifts this year, might I suggest this year you do your best to take care of the people helping you shop?  Whatever craziness you are feeling for the holiday season, I promise you, yelling at the lady at the service counter won't help, and her day will be worse with the six other people who yelled too.

If I were to give you my best advice on being a shopper that doesn't make it into our dinner conversation, here it is:

Smile, make eye contact, and say, "Thank you."
Yes, this sounds oddly similar to what you might expect from retail employees, but we are people too.  And wouldn't it be nice for you to make someone else's day better too?  Try it, it's fun even when you aren't getting paid for it.  Trust me, you would stand out above the rest.

Don't get mad at me when there aren't any more PS4s on December 23rd.
Often the person trying to assist you in the store is not directly responsible for the outage of a product.  Please don't be mean about it.  Unless you want me to personally knit you a replica, it is out of my hands.

"Since it didn't ring up it must be free."
Oh boy.

[me] "Is there something I can help you find?" [you] "Yeah, my wife!" or "Yeah, a million bucks!"
That's a cute joke and all, but literally you are the 12th person to say that to me today.  I suggest coming up with something much more entertaining for us, like "I'm looking for heavy rope, black garbage bags, and a metal shovel," or "just  your beautiful smile," or start up a Hall & Oates song as a flash mob.  Something, anything.

Black Friday - do you really need that $6 coffee maker?
Whatever you are looking for on Black Friday, please do so with the mentality of fun and not trampling.  We don't want to have to budget for medical triage tents next year.  That $6 coffee maker will probably leak in 3 months anyways.

This is such an exciting time of year, but remember just because you won't see that person again doesn't mean they won't remember you.  I still remember all of the people who crazy yelled at me, so don't be that guy who lives on in our war stories.  If you go in with the mindset of having fun and bringing cheer to the people around you, I promise you will feel better than if you went in with a 'tude.

Choose action over inaction.

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I find it fascinating when I see things that we complain about or are worried about that are well within our control.  Of course, this is easy to see when we are new to looking at it.  Since I recently started a new job, it is a great opportunity for me to see what can be impacted by just being part of the solution.  I spend each day hoping that I don't lose the vision to see how I can make an impact.  If I lose that, I will no longer be able to push for change.

The key here is to put ourselves in situations that allow us to feel fresh, and like we have a fresh perspective to see the change that needs to be made, and then do it.  And then, do it.

If you feel like you are getting too used to the scenery, get a fresh perspective.  Find a new way to look at things.  Here is an interesting thing to consider; look at the definition of the word attitude:

at·ti·tude (noun)

1. a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior

 

A "settled way"... I am going to do my very best to fight the urge to be "settled" in a way of thinking or feeling, because that is the only way that I can continue to look at things with a fresh set of eyes.  And this will help me get shit done.  Choose action over inaction.  Decide on passion over complacency.  Place importance on what you do, and do it!

Cheer others to cheer yourself.

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I made a discovery today.  On the days that I don't happen to do anything meaningful to help someone else, I don't feel like I really accomplished anything.  On the days that I feel I have actually impacted someone's day to be more positive, I feel as if I spent my time well.

While I know that this doesn't work for everyone, I have found it is the most important part of my day.  I am still an introvert and prefer sometimes to be alone, but that makes it all the more important to have valuable one-on-one time to make an impact for others.  And part of this is simply selfish in that I can't handle being surrounded by crabby or negative people so I do my best to either improve their attitude, or not be near them.

So, if I want to say that I had a good day by the time night comes, I better seek out people to cheer up. That is how I cheer up too.

For when you don't know what makes you happy...

Via prettystuff.tumblr.com

I have a bit of a confession to make.  Most of 2012 was a trying year for me.  Prior to that, 2011 was one of the most successful years of my life.  I was enjoying being back in school, I got married, things were going well at work, and I even found a way to fit in a half-marathon.  And this is how I thrive the most, being just a little too busy.  Everything was great, until it wasn't.

Over the course of time in 2012, I realized that things weren't clicking for me anymore.  There was no tragic event in my life, but only a slow degradation of my perceived feeling of success.  And while I don't wish unforeseen crises on anyone, the "slow death" of my mojo was practically undetectable and just as lethal.  School was frustrating, I was missing my free time, and no matter what I tried, I could not feel successful about my work.

I had been trying a lot of different things to maintain my positude, but nothing was really did the trick.  I had lost my confidence and needed to get it back.  So I had to bring out the big guns. Here's how I did it, and I hope you can get your mojo back.

• Think positive thoughts: I am sorry that I am offering such mundane and cheesy advice here, but you have to start here.  For me, thank goodness that Pinterest was around so I could see all sorts of quirky, inspirational messages as well as people who just as weird as me.  I take comfort in that.  Find a blog, a twitter feed, or a Pinterest board that speaks to you.
• Get a new perspective: Surround yourself with sources that can open up your perspective towards the positive.  Try something that you haven't tried before.   I read some books and got perspective from podcasts.  Here are my favorite new perspectives:
• The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin
• Victor Schueller's radio podcast
• Quiet your brain: I have heard time and time again that meditation is a great resource, but I haven't been able to master that yet seeing as I can barely sit still through yoga.  For me, I have focused on my own quiet alone time, running, and mindfulness. For mindfulness, try this:
• How to Train A Wild Elephant & Other Adventures in Mindfulness, by Jan Chozen Bays
• Make an effort to connect with people: I began to make more of an effort to focus on improving other peoples' day, and it lifted mine.  I tried to spend more time with friends and family, or talking on the phone when I could.  And, I started writing a blog, where now you know a lot more about my life than I have ever shared before.
• Remove the roadblocks: For me, I eventually took a leap of faith for a challenging new job.  I also finally finished school so that I had more time for something other than homework.  But I'll tell you that I had gotten to the point where I didn't recognize who I was as an irritable and frustrated person and I immediately felt as though I was my old self again when I began removing some of the roadblocks to my happiness.

After all of this, I found what makes me happy, and it boils down to a few things: Surrounding myself with beautiful and weird things, constant learning about new things through podcasts/blogs/books, taking the time for mindfulness or quiet time, offering happiness to people and (trying) not expecting anything in return, and removing shit that brings me down.  I cannot be surrounded by people who bring me down, because I just won't allow them to ruin my day.  To my husband, you have been an amazing supporter and partner and I couldn't be even close to happy without you.

Everyone has to take their own path to discover how to be happy but the point is, the journey is just as important as the destination, so enjoy the discovery period.  It was a tough lesson, but a worthy one.

Expressing gratitude (and some light reading)

Via betterworldbooks.com

I think that it can be easy for us to get caught up in the mundane or the frustrating details of daily life and forget some of the unsung but positive things that happen all around us.  We can have an impact on our own happiness as well as the happiness of others by purposefully expressing gratitude in our lives.  There are a lot of great articles about the benefits of expressing gratitude, which can include a boosted immune system, stronger relationships and better sleep.  Here are a few below:

Giving thanks: The benefits of gratitude
10 Reasons Why Being Thankful is Good For You

One form of showing gratitude that I love is the revival of an old school  method: the thank you note.  I adore a fantastic set of stationary, it makes that thank you that much more special.  My notecards show my personal style with heavy cardstock, quirky patterns or pictures, a preppy letterpress monogram, or a fantastic color.  This makes me much more excited to write thank you notes,  And, I think that the recipients that have attention to detail appreciate them as well.

I have read a few interesting books about the art of writing thank you notes, and they may inspire you to splurge on some fun note cards and write some unexpected notes of gratitude.

Via textbooks.com

A Simple Act of Gratitude by John Kralik is a memoir about Kralik's own difficult period in life that inspired him to write 365 thank you notes in the coming year.  The thank you notes brought about an amazing change in his life and his relationships with everyone around him.  I enjoyed the idea that the solution to a rough patch in your life is purposely bringing gratitude in others.

101 Ways To Say Thank You by Kelly Browne is a great book after you have been inspired to write a few notes.  It gives you a ton of great ideas how to write thank you notes for every occasion, and to do it with style.  I always struggle with what to say in notes that doesn't sound like the thank you card I wrote to my Grandma for my birthday gift in 8th grade.

However you do it, you might find a good lift in sharing gratitude with others, and by allowing yourself to pause and enjoy some of the little things for yourself.

Be the change.

 Via inspire-keri.blogspot.com

I love this picture - it is a good reminder for ways to live life and be the change.  See for yourself.

Change Yourself
If you have a level of self-awareness that every moment may give you an opportunity to learn and better yourself, you will not allow even the smallest moment to pass you by. Tiny changes every day are always easier than a total self-overhaul, right?

You Are In Control
You are. If you have decided that this is your life, and this is how it will be, that is your choice.  But if you really wish for something else, there is only one thing stopping you from making the change.  Find a way to convince yourself that it will be hard and you will have to be patient, but it will be worth it.

Forgive and Let Go
I can think of a few friends that I know that have a hard time with moving on, or allowing them to forgive others without an apology.  It is exhausting to spend part of your day throwing energy away at something that doesn't get better or doesn't give energy back, and this is blocking your ability to put your time and energy towards the things and people you really love.

Take Care of This Moment
As a piece of advice at our wedding, and family member gave my husband and I the advice to step aside and take just a few minutes to ourselves to be in the moment, and watch our guests enjoy our wedding celebration.  We did, and it was a memorable and perfect moment.  I now give this same advice to other friends heading in to their weddings.

Without Action You Aren't Going Anywhere
You can't lose if you don't try, right?  You can't win either.

Everyone Is Human
Remember that everyone is fighting a battle, and that perhaps someone is rude to you because they are having a rough day.  Be resilient enough to know it isn't personal, and see how you can help bring their day up.  If they keep being awful over time, don't be around them any more.

See the Good In People and Help Them
It makes me crazy when I hear people assume that someone else is always trying to screw them over.  I hear this a lot in the workplace in particular.  Trust that people wake up wanting to be successful at work, and that no one, including your boss, lies awake at night dreaming up ways to make your life harder.  Let's give the benefit of the doubt so that we can get to the real root of the issue instead of the cop out response.

Persist
Resiliency  - the top skill missing from our kids lives.  When you take a really good digger, say to yourself (or your kids), "That was a good one!" and "Brush it off, bro."  Refer to the "you are in control" and "change yourself" sections.

Be Congruent, Be Authentic, Be Your True Self
Think of one or two areas where you tend to be less than authentic in order to impress someone, fit in to a group, or convince yourself that you are something else.  Focus on the root cause of why you reduce your true self in that case, and find one small change you can do to stay authentic in those situations.  Try it a few times in a purposeful manner, and see what comes of it.  I can think of a friend who is fantastic as her true self, but I haven't seen it in a while.  I think that if she felt more comfortable being her true self more often, she would have more of the life that she wanted and would feel more comfortable in her own skin.

Continue to Grow and Evolve
Lather, rinse and repeat for tiny steps forward in life.  Sometimes it is harder to see the growth or change, so ask yourself where you were one year ago as a reference point.  It is usually an easier unit to measure slow and gradual change.

Baby steps, but take steps and be the change.

Happy 30-somethings: Resiliency, happy surroundings, and the heralded mix tape.

Via recitethis.com

I came across two very interesting articles this week that discussed the topic of happiness.  Reading them together helped highlight some of the key factors to happiness, particularly for my Gen Y age group, and some of the skills that I learned in some unlikely places to ensure my happiness at this stage in my life.  Here are the articles, in case you would like to partake in reading:

Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy - Huffington Post

The Habits of Supremely Happy People - Huffington Post

 

The first article does an exceptional job explaining how Gen Y-ers are wildly ambitious, have high expectations, and think that they are unique among others their age.  The high expectations mixed with a dose of reality ends in feeling let down and unfulfilled.  Facebook and other social media don't help, as we watch everyone else live what appears to be a "better" life, which is really just digitally enhanced and never really better.

 

Fast forward to the happy people habits.  While the first article gives only three basic pieces of advice for the unhappy Gen Y-ers, the second article provides habits that can help our wallowing generation.  Here are a few of my favorites, mostly that pertain as actionable items to the unhappy Gen Y problem.

• Surrounding yourself with happy people: This is critical to keep up momentum, and perhaps surrounding yourself with quality people will reduce the instances of Facebook-enhancing your life.  I don't even like to read or hear from unhappy people, so I do not surround myself with them, and that includes social media.
• Cultivating resilience: I truly believe this is a critical missing ingredient from our kids, and even Millenials' lives.  We have lost this in the world of teams without tryouts and cuts, baseball games with no outs, and the continued promise to our kids that they are great at everything.  I learned this skill twice over before I left the house for college.  It's called Racine public schools.  I know an incredible number of successful people who graduated with me and learned realism and resiliency in just the right dose to be awesome adults and parents.
• Appreciating simple pleasures: Finding meaning and joy in the small details in life.  Some of my favorites? Getting a cheeseburger that looks just like picture, and nearly anything with polka dots.
• Valuing a good mix tape: Music reduces anxiety, which is a great reason to "soundtrack your life."  The young folks of the world may know this as a "playlist," but the careful craft is still the same.  Except for when I had to stop, start, and rewind cassette tapes, that was the best worst thing ever.

These are small things, that add up to a big change in expectations and happiness.  If you are looking for some inspiration try just one happy habit, and really stick to it.  See if it works.  You can even borrow my cassette deck if you need to.

This is why we can't have nice things.

 

Say hello to my most recent victim.  Please, I beg of you, if you are looking to get me a gift, do not make it a live plant.  I cannot handle the responsibility.  I have had a long-standing record of serial-killing my plants, and would have my face on a most wanted list for plant murder if that was a real thing.

 

I am nervous to get a dog, because I clearly shouldn't be counted on to feed things.  I may have seen the writing on the wall when I kept having to restart my Tamagotchi virtual pet keychain due to neglect and my underfed virtual creature.  People have reminded me that at least a dog reminds you to feed it every day, so that is comforting.

 

Can't win 'em all.  Rest in peace, little guy.





Everyone is fighting a battle.

Photo source

I spent lunch with a friend today who was going through a tough break-up and needed someone to talk to.  It was the best hour that I spent today, and I know that my friend appreciated it too.  The wrinkle to the story here is that I also know someone who works for my friend, and has been frustrated that my friend has been tough on her this week.  Interesting.  Two sides to every story.

The key to the story here is that whether you can see it or not, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  The cashier at the store that you thought was rude might very well have been having the worst day ever after she woke up late, spilled coffee down her pants and lost her dog.  That rude bitch behind you in line who can't move fast enough might be so rushed because doesn't want to be the mom late picking her kids up from school again.  And finally, trust me on this, you do not need to complain or yell to the poor person at some store regarding the item that is out, the service that they weren't responsible for, or just straight up ruining their day in order to feel more in control of yours.

Perhaps, and hear me out, if we all start out with kindness, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and offer the effort to make someone's day we might all benefit from the slight adjustment in perspective.  The next time you are frustrated with someone, try and imagine what battle they are fighting and even though it is imaginary, you may find yourself being more willing to show patience, kindness, and earn some good karma for your own hot mess day.

Stay Inspired.

Photo source

I found that this list actually applies to me.  I read all sorts of ridiculous self-help crap, and as an optimistic realist, I do my best to share with the world only the advice that I have tried and conquered.  This list, while simple and slightly corny, works quite well.  "I'm looking for corny in my life." (#moviequotenese)

Here is my example of applying these twelve steps to staying inspired in my day.  Make it your own, and remember, we are not looking for perfection here.

Stay Healthy:

1. Drink a glass of water: I trick myself into drinking water by flavoring it to taste like a mojito.  I should probably stop telling people at work that I drink mojitos just to get through the day.  If it was just water, I would die the swiftest death of dehydration on record.
2. Move and sweat: I exercise 5 days a week because I don't want to look stupid when I run a 10-k in a few weeks, and mostly because I want to eat cupcakes.  Luckily, it also probably lowers stress.  But still, I do it so I can eat cupcakes.
3. Get more sleep: You did not need to tell me that.  It is my only ninja super power.  I am a real crabby patty with anything under six hours, and I think I am still catching up from college.

Plan Your Day:

1. Top 3 Tasks: Check.  Now, I just need to actually do those three things first.  When I actually get the icky stuff out of the way first, I TOTALLY feel better about the rest of the day.  Get the clutter out of the way first.
2. The 50/10 Rule:  I have found this to be important to my day now that I am in a position where I might go interrupted for more than 15 minutes.  I am totally squirrely if I don't get up, walk around, stretch, chicken someone, and chat it up.
3. Reflect Daily: I always do this when I start a new project or job, but it gets harder when you get used to your daily routine.  This is when it is probably the most important, so that you never stop questioning the status quo or forget what needs to be improved.  I am doing this now, and am trying to continue this even as I get comfortable.  Write down everything you see, hear, or feel, even if it is big or small.  I have a four-page secret list of things that need to be addressed from these daily notes.

Keep Learning:

1. Reading: I have given you some good book suggestions, start with those (e.g. Lean In, The Happiness Project).  Other constant sources of information for me include local bloggers and online news sources and Harvard Business Review (just follow them on twitter).
2. Browsing: At work, research to find facts that support what you are trying to drive.  I found some compelling research to convince others when managers should recognize their teams.  At home, the hubs and I use IMDB and Wikipedia constantly, mostly to cross reference actors, and answer the question, "Where are they now?"  If nothing else, the useless information helps us lose at trivia weekly.
3. Brainstorming:  I suggest doing this with people of different perspective than you, otherwise, you might as well just ask yourself.

Focus On What Makes You Happy:

1. Express Gratitude: I don't know about 10 things in the morning, because that sounds like a tall order for non-morning people (i.e. me), but perhaps throughout the day.  Don't forget to tell people about your gratitude when you see them.  Their happiness as a result will be effective in boosting your happiness. Thanks for being you is a favorite of mine.
2. Clean Your Desk: Seriously. Removing the clutter has an amazing effect.  Use one of those 10 minute breaks in the 50/10 rule to remove the clutter.  Try this at home too if you feel like your clutter is holding you back (See first chapters of "The Happiness Project").
3. Indulge in Your Favorite Things: Let's see, watching SYTYCD, blogging, running, eating cupcakes, running to burn off the cupcakes, happy hour with friends, dinner with the hubs, pinning, reading and browsing.  Are you spending enough time to recharge with your favorite things?

Don't knock it until you try it.  Maybe doing something differently is just what you need.

Just try to turn your day around. The worst that can happen is that you make someone else's.

Image Source

Sooo, I wake up an hour and a half late, because I just simply did not set my alarm clock.  Awesome.  I haul my cookies out to work, and find small ways to sabotage my day such as getting stuck on a door handle and spilling coffee all over.  And all before 8:00 a.m.  Ok, world, slow your roll.

At any rate, I eventually decided that the day was handing me total crap and I wasn't going to accept it any more.  The best way I find to do this is by doing nice things for other people.  It is so much more joyful to do nice things for other people - you get a lot out of it and of course, they do too.

If you are in a funk, try some of these nice things and you'll feel better in a hurry:

If you want to donate to a really good cause:
Are you a Milwaukee local?  Donate to the 88Nine Sound Foundation, supporting the local, independent radio station that is quintessential Milwaukee.  Here's why this is TOTALLY worth it: An anonymous donor will match your donation right now 3 to 1, and 4 to 1 if you have never donated before.  That means your $50 would be $250 if you were a first time donor. Click HERE to check out 88Nine.

Via www.radiomilwaukee.org

Nationwide? Find someone that you can make a difference for.  Like, say, Bode, the 6-year-old nephew of my friends who continues to battle a rare form of cancer for the second time.
Click HERE to make a difference for Bode.

Bode and Uncle Ryan, Via facebook.com

If you want to make someone feel special and supported:
Cheer on the other people working hard in your group fitness class.  I started cheering people at the end of their sprints today in an interval class, and no one was catching on. But then, the people who got cheered, started cheering for others.  I almost forgot that I was doing sprints and wanted to die.  Almost.

Tell a co-worker that they look really nice in the color they were wearing.  The caveat here is that it must be true and genuine, as well as I do not encourage you to be creepy or do anything that may be misconstrued for harassment in the workplace.

If you want to start something bigger:
Pay it forward.  Find a way to do nice things for other people, and encourage them to pay it forward.  You could write someone an unexpected and genuine thank you card, and then ask them to write a thank you card for someone else to pay it forward, and so on.  Warm fuzzies until the end of time!

If you want to go smaller, but for every day:
Make eye contact and take time to genuinely smile at everyone you encounter.  The guy that holds the door for you, the lady at the checkout, and every other person we tend to take for granted and not "see."

If all of these things fail, eat a cupcake.  That may work too.  But try the other things first, because they don't make you chubby.  Trust that I have done the leg work on both methods.