Twitter is gibberish. Except maybe for these feeds.

Via businessinsider.com

The thing about @ signs and # tags is that when you put them in the middle of sentences, it creates an even more ridiculous language than the version we call English now.  I often hash tag out of humor at the end of something, but I refuse to do as the kids do these days in the middle of a sentence.  We all have to take a stand somewhere.  Here is mine.

As for twitter, I have decided to sift out some worthy feeds so that you don't get caught in the mumbo jumbo.

HuffPost Living (@HealthyLiving)
These are some great blog articles for personal health and well-being in every aspect.  The one downside?  They tweet... a lot.

Harvard Biz Review (@HarvardBiz)
Good for anyone looking for some good advice for the work place.

Travel Wisconsin (@TravelWI)
This is a great source for some fun WI activities and day trips, including festivals.  Fall is awesome for this, so they have the goods.

Earth Pics (@Earth_Pics)
This is my absolute favorite feed.  It is only photos, and they are of the most beautiful far off places and an occasional cute baby hippo.  I was about to cancel my Twitter account until I met Earth Pics.

Modern Seinfeld (@SeinfeldToday)
If you loved Seinfeld, you will love this.  Someone tweets short synopses of a would-be could-be episode of Seinfeld if it was on TV today.

Seth MacFarlane (@SethMacFarlane)
Not only does he say the funniest inappropriate things, he also retweets some of the funny things that he sees.  Literally, I don't need to see anyone else's funny tweets, because I know Seth MacFarlane will sniff them out for me.

God (@TheTweetofGod)
If God has a sense of humor, this would be his feed.  I am glad you have a sense of humor too.

Enjoy, and keep the mid-sentence #hashtags and to a minimum, or else you will sound like this:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57dzaMaouXA



Life is a sitcom, or sometimes a quirky British comedy.

Mr. Bean, via tvrage.com

The reason that I often feel the need to "soundtrack my life"  is because there are so many moments when I realize the ridiculous humor of my day.  Small snippets that could easily be part of a TV sitcom, and often better than fiction.  Today was one of those days.  I know what Mr. Bean must feel like.

I seriously have to question sometimes whether or not I am living in a TV show that I am unaware of, like when Jim Carrey was part of a never-ending channel in "The Truman Show" that lasted his entire life.  If people around me start to do commercials of every day products while we are having a conversation, I will be on to their game.

Here were some of the humorous things that happened to and around me today:

The man in the "business casual" lederhosen look: As I am driving to work downtown Milwaukee early in the morning before most of the business world has stirred up, a man passing off some cargo shorts, short-sleeved dress shirt, and suspenders with an incredible beard made it look like a native German had to take to the city.  I loved it.

The karma of hurry up and wait: So I am standing behind this guy at the Kwik Trip trying my hardest to get out quickly before I break down and buy some blueberry cake donuts.  The man in front of me was the change-digging, "no that's the wrong price", slow-as-molasses guy at the checkout.  I found this humorous and ironic that he was the exact person behind me back on the highway and he could barely stand the fact that my 12 mph was not fast enough for him.  I slowed to eight over to get him back for making me buy a donut.

Neck spider: I am driving today, when the biggest daddy long legs spider CRAWLS UP MY NECK.  I am not sure how I did not crash, seeing as I am particularly ticklish in my neck area.  The turtlenecks are getting dusted off tomorrow, I don't care if it is 90 degrees.

Runaway grape: I was in one of the really nice conference rooms with a few co-workers on a conference call webinar.  While I probably should not have been eating grapes in the meeting, I dropped a grape that rolled away in the middle of the meeting, never to be heard from again.  I looked and looked while trying to pretend I was stretching and looking casual, but after a while I just had to hope no one stepped on it.  At least my husband would be happy to know that he is not the only victim of my grape shrapnel.

I am really just blogging until I find out that I have been on TV this whole time, or until someone realizes that they should pay me for the rights to a movie/mini-series/book deal about the funny and mundane.  Meh, it was probably a better show when it was called Seinfeld.

Movie Quotenese

My Cousin Vinny, via jonathanrosenbaum.com

English is my first language, but a small percentage of the world around me actually picks up on the fact that I frequently speak in what I imagine is a select subset of American English, which I refer to as "movie quotenese."  This includes movie quotes as well as television quotes, although movies are generally much more quotable.  Except in the case of Seinfeld quotes, of which my friend Dave is a black belt ninja, and in the case of Family Guy quotes in which almost all men are proficient.

My husband is one of the few people in the world who can hang with me and my level of movie quotenese.  Sometimes it is just to quote a movie, or sometimes it is phrase used in conversation.  Here are some of our favorites that we came up with that we like to quote in every day conversation.  You should try this at home.

My Cousin Vinny:
Mr. Tipton: You could say that.
Vinny Gambini: I did say that. Would *you* say that?
---
Vinny Gambini: It is possible that the two yutes...
Judge Chamberlain Haller: What is a yute?
Vinny Gambini: [beat] Oh, excuse me, your honor... [exaggerated] Two YOUTHS.
---
Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires.

Seinfeld:
(irritated) George is getting upset! -George, from The Jimmy
---
"These pretzels are making me thirsty!" - Kramer, Jerry, George, Elaine, from The Alternate Side
---
"We're taking the armoire!" - Street toughs, from The Soup Nazi

Via fanpop.com

Old School:
"Hey Blue!  How come there's no ice in my lemonade?!" - Frank
--
"I'm really sorry... [blowing out cigarette smoke]." - Heidi (Mitch's girlfriend)
---
"This is me leaving. This is me leaving." - Dean Pritchard

Via imdb.com

Office Space:
"What would ya say...ya do here?" - Bob Slydell
---
"Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway." - Bob Porter
---
"I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? - Tom Smykowski

Via ausgamers.com

The Big Lebowski:
"Donny, you're out of your element!" - Walter Sobchak
---
"She's not my special lady, she's my f$@*%ing lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!" - The Dude
---
"I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man." - The Dude

Via imdb.com

That being said, don't miss Lebowski Fest Milwaukee coming up August 16 - 18.

The Summer of George, a.k.a. The Week of Katie

(The Summer of George, Seinfeld)
 

Today starts a week of staycation, ahem, technically unemployment, and everyone keeps asking me (including myself) what I am going to be doing with my time this week.  I have big plans, people.

I imagined my week immediately like the Summer of George.  I excitedly thought, "I am going to read a book!  From beginning to end, in that order! I'm going to learn to play frolf!"  Let's get real, I am not going to frolf, but I do have some good plans:

1. Spend time with friends and family:  Since I have a last opportunity to spend time with some friends and family during the week, I am scooping it up, visiting friends on maternity leave, or taking the kiddos, my niece and nephew, to the State Fair.  Perhaps even a Blue's Egg brunch?
2. Read a book: I bought a few new ones that I started this week, I'll let you know how they go.  I have a feeling Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg is going to be a worthy read.
3. De-clutter: Throw shit out and make a giant trip to Goodwill. Simplify.
4. Running: I have to burn off all the calories I am no doubt going to eat being at home.  I already ate half a bag of sour patch kids, so I am off to a bad start.
5. Bake: I am hell bent on baking something, either trying to perfect the art of macarons or a three layer cake.

What I am realizing is that every time I have a week off, I can mentally fill the time very quickly with more to do than time to do it in.  And so I am learning an important lesson in this.  How about, and hear me out on this, I do these things all of the time, instead of just on my one and only unemployed week of my life?  Mind. Blown.