Sunday, September 29, 2013

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And invites diabetes.

It's here!  Caramel apple season is here!  This kicks off my incredibly ridiculous fall habit of eating, oh, say, one caramel apple a day.  There, I said it.  And it is on the internet so it must be true.

Here is the making of a quality caramel apple:
  1. Green apples: Normally they are too sour, but this is a critical balance to the caramel.
  2. Jimmies: You can get them covered in all sorts of toppings, but I tend to eat only one kind - caramel with jimmies.  I don't eat nuts, and some of the chocolate ones are too much.
  3. Good caramel: I don't make them at home because it is messy, but please, don't get the kind with those sheets that fold over the apple.  That's gross.
Where do I get such a large quantity of caramel apples?  I will tell you, but do me a solid and don't buy them out before I get there.
  1. Amy's Gourmet Apples: Based in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, these are the absolute best apples that exist.  If you live far away though, don't fret because you can buy them online.  I can't eat these every day because I would have to start donating plasma just to afford it.  But they are totally worth the money.
  2. Pick 'n Save: A much more affordable option for a daily apple, but still quite delicious.  I once trolled around the produce department for 45 minutes waiting for the guy to start hand dipping the apples on a Sunday morning.  I am sure the loss prevention people had me pegged for a creeper.  At another Pick 'n Save near my work, I had to start diversifying my route after I interrogated the guy about what time and how often he makes the apples, and then he said, "Hey, you're the caramel apple lady!" a few weeks later after he had seen me clean them out of the jimmied apples for a few weeks straight.
  3. Local orchards: Buyer beware, you have to ask questions regarding the type of apple they use, it is not usually green apples.  And, if you plan to buy in bulk like I do, test one before to buy many.
Now that you know my dirty little fall secret, you can join in too.  You also know what sort of currency I accept for bribes.  Whatever, I don't apologize for it at all.  I only do it for like, three months out of the year.

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