Accountability: Try It, It's Fun

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I have days now and again, as we all do, where I feel a little spent after my day in public.  I won't even just say at work, because sometimes the adventure continues when you go to the grocery store or the pizza place.  I have finally concluded that the theme is often a lack of accountability.

Accountability is a funny thing, because it is a life skill that only we can control for ourselves.  It is a self-leadership tool, and a skill set that not everyone has.  And that is okay, but I think it is in all of our best interest if we are aware of it, and strive to be just a little bit better at it.

As a close cousin to negativity, a lack of accountability is something I try and avoid in my day if possible.  Today I was less successful, since it was a pretty classic Monday riddled with phone calls and e-mails from people less concerned with "owning it" or finding solutions.

I often think back to the lady who yelled incessantly at the pizza counter clerk on Valentine's Day a few months ago about the fact that she had been waiting 15 minutes for the pizza for her family and now she was going to be late.  She did this in front of four other customers and her visibly uncomfortable teenage daughter.  She had one foot on the "blame others" rung, and the other on the just plain "unaware" part of the ladder.  I told the pizza clerk that they were doing a terrific job on one of their busiest nights, and that they shouldn't let one lady bring them down.  As for her daughter, I hope she stays uncomfortable with her mother's behavior and recognizes that she doesn't have to act that way.

It is not always easy to be accountable, but I find it to be a good way to feel like I am in control of the world around me.  If I only blame others, then I certainly don't feel very in control of my own destiny.  If I own my attitude and my actions, I feel much more in control of my day.

Tuesday always promises to be less Monday-ish, so my goal tomorrow is to shake it off, be one notch more accountable than today, and hopefully lend a hand to pull up the people still stuck at "excuses" or "wait and hope."  It's good to have goals.

New Year = The end of bad choices. For at least a week and a half.

Via Metapicture

Confession: December beat me at its own game. Between the holidays and moving to a new home, I did not go to the gym while simultaneously subscribing to the carbohydrate diet.  When I went to the gym for the first time in weeks a few days ago, I was reminded about what a difference four weeks makes.  I. Am. Sore.

So now I am in the midst of fighting the good fight on eating well, going to the gym, and overall being the best version of myself.  I am losing the fight on the first two, so my only hope left is finding some actually meaningful things to try and stick to.  Since I ate a doughnut today, any hopes of a low-fat, low sodium, gluten-free, low carb, clean, paleo, flavor-free, or 100% healthy diet are slowly slipping into the night.

That is okay, because instead, I think my promises to myself in 2014 might be more effective than the usual diet and exercise resolution.  Here are the New Year goals I have set for myself:

1. Remove the word "busy": I am making an effort to remove the word busy from my vocabulary and glorifying it as if it was an accomplishment.  This is particularly difficult when I have co-workers who value busy.  Just the same, I make my decisions on my schedule, so I will not add to the glorification of "busy" with my own comments.
2. Buy less things unless I need them: I will still buy things from time to time that are not essentials, but I will think long and hard about whether it will really bring me that much satisfaction.  For example, I have stopped buying sweaters that are cute from an inexpensive retailer, only to be disappointed when they shrink in the wash anyways.  I will buy a better sweater instead of two crappy ones.
3. Meet new people: I made a few really great new friends in 2013.  I think that is a worthy goal to continue.  Whether it is connecting back with people I once knew, networking professionally, or meeting more friends of friends, this is a worthy investment.  Warning, I am becoming more socially awkward with age, so please expect that when you introduce me to your friends.

And if I stop eating baked goods, that is fine too.  But I find that to be unlikely since I live closer than ever to my favorite local bakery. And I work for a food company.  And I love baked goods.  Yeah.

And if you stay positive, you have a shot... -Silver Linings Playbook

Via empowernetwork.com

Tiffany and Pat had it right.  Of all of the lovable, messed up characters in the world, these two had it figured out.

There are a lot of different things that can go wrong in a day, a week, a lifetime.  As the famous quote by Charles R. Swindoll goes, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."  This of course, is always more difficult than it sounds.

I think I learned to stay positive through a few different key teachers on my life.  First, my parents were and are always positive and adaptable people, and I grew up thinking that was the only way to do it.  Later in high school and college I had a lot of opportunities to travel abroad, and during those times in different cultures I learned a lot about broadening my view of the world (and therefore my problems seemed a little smaller).  I also learned a lot about myself and grew a an even higher sense of self-reliance.  As an adult, I have had a few select people in my career that served as the exact type of mentor I needed at a specific time to help me see the value of perseverance and staying positive.  Someone really important once told me that he didn't think that I was dreaming big enough.  Noted.

I have always worked very hard at everything that I do.  I am hard wired that way, but really it is a life coping mechanism.  If I work hard and I do my best, then I know I have done all that I can.  If I stay positive, it is a sense of controlling what I can control by choosing my attitude.  If I didn't do these things, and it didn't work out in my favor, I would always wonder if I could have changed the trajectory.

This methodology has always worked for me, and I refuse to accept defeat.  I own the 90%, and I will not let it own me.  When things get tough, take control of your 90%.

Positivity Part II: Ending the negative self-talk

Via Queenofyourownlife.com

Since we have already discussed the virtues of being able to accept a compliment gracefully, the other half of the battle is being able to be nice enough to yourself.

I am fortunate to have grown up in a very stable and supportive household, where I was pulled up rather than put down.  I had a big sister that I was always striving to be like, so it helps to have goals.  Even with my parents divorced I had enough self-confidence to never think to myself that it was my fault.  And as I grew older, I just fell into being a pretty independent and confident young lady.  Oh, and being in musical theater helped.  What a fascinating, showy, confident, and supportive bunch of people.  I highly recommend this as a path for your kids and my imaginary ones.

I am not big on negative self-talk, but I still participate as what I consider a "realist."  I consider that I am basically reporting the obvious truth about myself, but that doesn't make it any better.  In fact, it might just be even worse when I say out loud an obvious "truth," like I have chubby legs, and the person I am talking to kind of smirks and says nothing; a sad and silent admission that they probably agree.  And that's not their fault, it is mine for bringing it up or not being comfortable with myself in the first place.

Even this can be dangerous.  My friend Kathryn reminded me about how important it is now as a parent to remain positive about ourselves in front of our kids.  What was once a mostly playful and harm-free comment about chubby legs becomes a much more impactful statement when your young daughter starts picking up on everything that you do.

So let's talk about some practical application ideas:

1. Surround yourself with positive people:  It is easy to do negative self-talk when it is frequently used or accepted by others around you.  Not to mention, it is exhausting to have to constantly reassure someone of their value by saying, "Oh don't be silly, of course you are a good mom even if you forgot [fill in the blank]" ten times a day.
2. Have someone hold you accountable:  I correct my better half on negative self-talk, and now he does the same for me.  That's fair.
3. Balance it out: When you catch yourself having just spouted off some negative verbal clutter, own it and balance it out with a self-apology and a genuine and positive counterpart.

So let's clean it up, for all of the other girls and boys and even ladies and men that are quietly listening to our every word.  We might just pull off a next generation of more genuine and positive kiddos who are comfortable in their own skin.

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Positivity Part I: The art of taking a compliment

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All confident, adult women (and men) should know the art of taking a compliment.  While this seems like a skill most people might gain over time pretty handily, it seems to be less common than it should be these days.  This may be for any number of reasons, such as someone in our life always telling us what is wrong with us rather than what is right.  Or, maybe we have learned to just not believe it when someone tells us something nice.  Either way, knock it off.

There are a few ways that you can derail yourself from gracefully accepting a compliment:

1. Talking too much:  You do not need to discount the compliment with additional details.  When someone says, "I like your purse," say thank you and smile, rather than saying, "Oh, well, it's just a knockoff, something that I got cheap from [fill in the blank]."
2. Talking too little: Smile and acknowledge, versus looking at them like a deer in headlights.  Are you talking to me?
3. Returning a fake compliment: No need to compliment back unless you have a genuine compliment to share.  Think Mean Girls, and you don't want to come off as insincere.

The first thing you should do is a self-check to think back to the last compliment(s) delivered to you, and consider whether you have made any of these tactical errors.  If you have, that is okay.  It is never too late to change your response to your next compliment.  One thing you will find is that the more compliments you shut down, the less you get, and the more you accept gracefully, the more people will continue to compliment.

The root cause here is confidence, so let's address that.  I don't expect anyone to gain 100% of new found confidence over night, but I do expect us to have a self-awareness and confidence that we are doing some things right.  Confidence shows in everything that we do; in the way we carry ourselves in our clothes, in how convincing we are at work, and in how we attract friends.  I find the best way to gain confidence is to surround myself with positive, confident people.  If people are comfortable in their own skin, they are more likely to compliment you and radiate into your own confidence.

Next up? Ending the negative self-talk.

Choose action over inaction.

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I find it fascinating when I see things that we complain about or are worried about that are well within our control.  Of course, this is easy to see when we are new to looking at it.  Since I recently started a new job, it is a great opportunity for me to see what can be impacted by just being part of the solution.  I spend each day hoping that I don't lose the vision to see how I can make an impact.  If I lose that, I will no longer be able to push for change.

The key here is to put ourselves in situations that allow us to feel fresh, and like we have a fresh perspective to see the change that needs to be made, and then do it.  And then, do it.

If you feel like you are getting too used to the scenery, get a fresh perspective.  Find a new way to look at things.  Here is an interesting thing to consider; look at the definition of the word attitude:

at·ti·tude (noun)

1. a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior

 

A "settled way"... I am going to do my very best to fight the urge to be "settled" in a way of thinking or feeling, because that is the only way that I can continue to look at things with a fresh set of eyes.  And this will help me get shit done.  Choose action over inaction.  Decide on passion over complacency.  Place importance on what you do, and do it!

Want to feel inspired? Meet Jaclyn.

Via http://friendsofjaclyn.org/

This is a picture of Jaclyn Murphy (center) and one of the many college sports teams that have signed up to participate in the Friends Of Jaclyn Foundation programs.

I first heard about this story watching "Real Sports" with Bryant Gumbel, and I wanted to share it with the world.  The foundation began after Jaclyn, a child fighting a pediatric brain tumor, needed inspiration to get through difficult cancer treatment, and her dad hooked her up with the Northwestern women's' lacrosse team after she was inspired by a picture on the hospital wall.  The team adopted her as their own and supported her year after year through cancer treatment, all while winning more than a handful of national titles.  Jaclyn told her dad about another patient that they needed to "get her a team" and that is how the organization was born.

Today there are hundreds of college sports teams around the country signed up and on the waiting list to adopt a child with a brain tumor for life.  Sometimes that isn't very long, but sometimes it is and either way, it is a lifetime commitment.  What an incredibly rewarding and worthy cause.

I feel inspired to do something for the world, don't you?  Check out their website to learn more about the Murphy family and the foundation.  Watch the Real Sports episode on HBO for a lift.